dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
