At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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