the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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