We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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