Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Your cock deserves a montage
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
