you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Let's get the cat blown out
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Randomize
