and my herpes radar will keep us safe
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
