you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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