"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
