I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I have feelings that need drinking.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Randomize
