Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
