man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
