Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
