But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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