There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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