can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
