she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
