nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
