You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
