We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
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