I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
