This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
