Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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