Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
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Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
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