lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Randomize
