Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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