no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
