i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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