Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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