I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
