What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
