I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
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