If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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