I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize