please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize
