Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
