Cold hands, warm shart.
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Screwed.edu
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
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so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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