I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Randomize