How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.