What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
30+ People Share Their Worst ‘Intimate Experience’ And They’re Traumatizing
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
25 Shocking High School Scandals You Won’t Believe Are True
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.