I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy