I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites