The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
did you just send me my own nude
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?