This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
