please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
