I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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