Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
there is glitter all over my balls
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