just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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