Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
