Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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