ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
