she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
