how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Good news!! I can adult!! π turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ππ
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize