its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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