Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
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