omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
