How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
