I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
