i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
there is puke in my bra ... again
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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