can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
