Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
