just survived the first fart of the relationship.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
