I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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