Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
